Infertility: Tips for Surviving the Holidays

It’s the holidays and maybe life doesn’t look the way you hoped. You thought you would have a new baby or be pregnant by now.

For most who are in the midst of fertility treatments, this time can bring feelings of grief, isolation, and sadness. If you find yourself struggling during the holidays, know that you are not alone. There are ways to navigate this challenging time.  

First, admit the holidays are hard.

The first step in managing holiday stress related to infertility is to acknowledge your feelings. It sounds cliché but very true. In my experience, women resist admitting their negative feelings towards the holiday activities, but it is totally understandable to feel disappointed. To feel sad about what didn’t happen. This kind of sadness is known as invisible grief. You aren’t a bad person for dreading the holidays. It is to be expected that you may have a range of emotions. Recognize that these feelings are valid. Allow yourself to grieve the holiday experiences you might have envisioned but have not yet been able to realize.

• Consider journaling your thoughts and feelings. Writing can be a powerful outlet by providing a safe space to express your hopes and fears.

• Share your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist who understands your situation. Connecting with a friend or family member in-person or over the phone, and sharing your feelings, can help you feel less alone.

Say no.

The end of November through the start of the new year comes with numerous social obligations, from family gatherings, work parties, to celebrations with friends. As you consider your social invitations, ask yourself first do you really want to go to the event?

I like to remind my clients that if they say no to a special event this year, it is one year and they can say yes next year.

If you say yes, consider beforehand, how long do you want to stay?  Make a conscious choice to attend a celebration rather than going through the motions.

Take a moment to consider your needs and wants and then share them with your loved ones. You might say, “I’m struggling this year, and I may need to step out for a bit if things get too emotional.” Most people will appreciate your honesty and may be more supportive than you expect.

Find “your people” and stick with them.

Surround yourself with supportive friends who understand you at this moment in time. This could mean seeking out friends or family members who are sensitive to your struggles or connecting with others who have experienced infertility.

Another option is joining a support group. Infertility support groups are available in-person and online. You can use this link to search on Resolve’s website for a support group in your area.

Take time for self-care

Amid the hustle and bustle of the holidays, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. This can take many forms, from physical activities to creative outlets. Consider engaging in practices that nourish you holistically:

• Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or yoga can ground you during stressful moments and lower your overall stress. If you haven’t tried meditation before, you can find guided meditations on apps like Insight Timer and Calm.

• Physical Activity: Whether it’s a brisk walk, a dance class, or gentle stretching, movement can boost your mood and reduce stress. You don’t have to complete a full 60-minute fitness class to feel the benefits. As little as 5 – 10 minutes of movement can give you a pump of dopamine.

• Creative Outlets: Engage in creative activities that bring you joy, such as painting, crafting, or writing. These activities can serve as a therapeutic outlet, allowing you to express your feelings and channel your emotions productively. Have fun with it.

Try something new this holiday season

While you are grieving the hopes and dreams you wished for this holiday season, you might consider adding something very different to your tradition. This could be as simple as volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about, hosting a gathering focused on self-care and relaxation, or planning a special outing with friends. New traditions can help shift your focus from what you lack to what you can create.

Seek Professional Support

You do not have to get through this season alone. You can always reach out for professional support. A mental health therapist, who specializes in infertility, can provide guidance and coping strategies tailored to your needs. You deserve to feel heard, seen and understood.

Conclusion

The holiday season can be particularly challenging for those dealing with infertility, but with awareness, boundaries, and self-care, it’s possible to navigate this time with greater ease. Remember, it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions and be imperfect

You can learn more about me here and my specialization in supporting women struggling with infertility here.